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Thread: Post Your Jokes Here

  1. #481
    Captain
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Southgate, Michigan
    Posts
    1,145
    A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

    The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’ Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun,the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘May I please use the restroom?

    The bartender replied, ‘OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, ‘Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?’

    Well, now they know you’re one of us,’ said the bartender, ‘Would you like a drink?’ ‘No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,’said the puzzled nun.

    ‘You see,’ laughed the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  2. #482
    I really need your advice on a serious problem:
    I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
    Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse.....
    It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.
    Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?😂😂😂

  3. #483
    Captain
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Southgate, Michigan
    Posts
    1,145
    An Englishman, a German, and a Frenchman were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze, when all of a sudden, Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for this terrible crime they were all sentenced to 50 whip lashes each.

    On the day of their punishment the Sheikh who was going to whip them announced: “It’s my wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.” The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.” This was done, but the pillow only lasted 20 lashes before the whip went through.

    When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 35 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

    The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from a part of the world I really like. For this, you may have two wishes!”

    “Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,” the Englishman replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 50, but 100 lashes.” “Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave,” the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

    The Englishman smiled and said, “Tie the Frenchman and the German to my back.”
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  4. #484
    Captain
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Southgate, Michigan
    Posts
    1,145
    A duck walks into a bar and says “Do you have duck food here?”

    The bartender says “No” and the duck leaves.

    The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have duck food?”

    The bartender says “No.”

    The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have any duck food?” The bartender says “I already told you ‘No’ twice! If you come back and ask me again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!”

    The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have any nails?”

    The bartender says “No.”

    “Do you have any duck food?”
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  5. #485
    Captain
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Southgate, Michigan
    Posts
    1,145
    A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him: “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are embarrassed.” He thought a minute and then said: “You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

    Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying that…that phrase in no time.” “Thank you. This may very well be the solution,” the woman responded.

    The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw the two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison: “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

    There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said: “Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!”
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

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