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Thread: Post Your Jokes Here

  1. #1
    Captain
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    Post Your Jokes Here

    An Antartian goes into a souvenir shop and asks the man at the counter if he has any alligator skin shoes.

    The man said, "Yes, right over there on the shelf."

    He walks over to the shelf and then back to the counter where the shop owner was sitting and says, "The shoes cost too much."

    The shop owner says, "Well, go and see if you can find some cheaper."

    The Antartian leaves the store.

    The shop owner, on his way home, notices a dead alligator by the swamp. He pulls over, walks to the swamp and notices the Antartian standing in the middle of the swamp. The man asks him what he is doing in the swamp; about that time the shop owner sees a giant alligator coming up behind the Antartian.

    The alligator and the man go under the water. The Antartian comes up and drags the alligator to the shore. He looks at the alligator's feet and says, "This one doesn't have any shoes either."
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  2. #2
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    Nov 2012
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    Fort Lauderdale FL
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    A man and a woman are having dinner in a fine dining restaurant all of a sudden the woman slips below the table and the man starts staring straight ahead. The waiter noticing this activity walks over, and informs the man that this type of activity is not condoned and his wife needs to return to her seat. the man replied that's not my wife, my wife just walked in the front door
    Doug

    1982 Chris Craft Catalina 280
    1977 Chris Craft 55 commander http://55commander.com/
    1991 Boston Whaler 13 super sport limited

  3. #3
    Captain
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    One day an old lady and an old man were sitting on their porch when the old lady says "Hey pa, why don't you run down to the restaurant and get us some ice cream."

    Pa said, "Ok I will go right now."

    Ma told him that she had better write it down for him, because he always forgets.

    He said no he would be fine, so off he went to the restaurant.

    When he got back he handed her a hamburger and she said "Dang it pa, I knew you would forget, I told you to get mustard on mine!"
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  4. #4
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    It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.

    "Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter.

    "Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.

    "I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  5. #5
    Captain
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    Feb 2015
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    Southgate, Michigan
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    An elderly couple was in bed one night and the woman woke up from a bad dream. She was scared and panicking. Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her. He asked what was wrong.

    She said, "I had a dream that I died and you got remarried." She asked him, "If I died tomorrow would you get remarried?"

    He said, "Sure, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely."

    Then she asked, "Well would you two live in this house?"

    "Sure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage."

    She asked again, angry now "well would she sleep in this bed?"

    He snickered and said, "Yes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive, there's no reason to get rid of it."

    She asked irately, "Well would she use my golf clubs?"

    He replied with a straight, serious face "No. She's left handed."
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  6. #6
    Captain
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    Feb 2015
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    Southgate, Michigan
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    Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.

    "I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months."

    "Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked.

    She responded, "It's the best way I can learn which ones I can do without."
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  7. #7
    Captain
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    A tourist and his trail guide were walking along a path when all of a sudden the guide runs up the hillside to a cave, yells "Wooo wooo," listens for a moment, and goes charging into the cave, stripping off his clothes on the run. He returns in about 15 minutes. The same scenario occurs again, after which the tourist asks about this strange behavior.

    The guide explains that if one of the young ladies of his town is in an amorous mood, she goes into a dark cave. If she hears "Wooo wooo," she responds "Wooo wooo" to signal that she is ready and willing. No one knows who is who and everyone is happy.


    The tourist is amazed and asks if he might partake in this local custom at the next cave. The guide doesn’t see any problem with this. At the next cave the tourist runs to the entrance and calls out "Wooo wooo." To his delight, he hears a sonorous and enticing "Wooo wooo" sung back to him from the recesses of the cave. He takes off his clothes, rushes headlong into the cave, and gets run over by a train.
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  8. #8
    Captain
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    Feb 2015
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    Southgate, Michigan
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    Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth.

    Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are toads. In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind and carefully removes the toad from its mouth and puts the toad in his side bag.

    Fearing the angry snake would bite him; Bubba grabs his bottle of daddy's moonshine from his pocket and carefully pours 2 drops into the snake's mouth. The snake's eyes glaze over and quickly go limp. Bubba carefully places the snake back in the water.

    A few hours later, Bubba is just about to head back home, when he feels something tapping on his leg. He looks down and is amazed to see the same water moccasin with 2 frogs in its mouth.
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

  9. #9
    That Wooo Wooo joke was hysterical!
    Speculation
    1983 Chris Craft 251 Catalina
    2000 Aquasport 175 Osprey
    2007 Stamas 270 Tarpon

  10. #10
    Captain
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    Feb 2015
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    Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

    The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

    The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

    The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

    And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
    Rick Grew
    2004 Past Commodore
    West River Yacht & Cruising Club

    www.wrycc.com

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